As I begin to write this letter, I try to think of the last time I put pen to paper. It’s been a good minute. Probably since a little after college. Then I start to think, well why haven’t I written in so long? Especially since it is my first love? As I struggle to answer that question, I, at least, remember what it did for me. It was my therapy before I knew what therapy was. And it got me through some of the most challenging moments of my life.
As I start to realize that, I realize this is the only outlet that could possibly get me through these current times. 2022, you almost won until I remembered who I was and where I came from.
If there was one thing you did, you made sure to try to instill lessons you’ve learned throughout your life in me. I hated it so much in the beginning because I just knew I had it all figured out. It was hard for me to understand at first. It took numerous setbacks and lessons to realize that at the end of the day, you just wanted to see me excel. You wanted more for me. And at the time, you just wanted it more than I wanted it for myself. But as I got older, I started to comprehend. I started to realize not only my worth but the true meaning of life. It is more than just waking up and moving. It was about living. And I thank you for that lesson.
From taking care of your finances to taking care of your health, you demonstrated what it meant to live a wealthy life…
It’s like that time I came home from completing college and one of the first things you did was take me to open up a savings account. You told me every time I got paid to put something in there. It didn’t matter the amount. And since then, I did just that.
Or when I started teaching Zumba and you came to one of my classes. You really loved moving and being active which I admired because what?! You were like 70 still playing basketball and riding your bike around the city of Chicago. I had no excuse. And seeing you just dance and move is one of the best memories I have of you.
Oh, and that one time you found out my boyfriend was staying at my place while I was out of town. You were livid. I didn’t agree with the tough love you showed then but trust me, I understand now.
If I want better, I have to do better. No excuses. That’s not only with my life but with whom I let in as well.
All of it mattered.
Working hard, saving, investing, working out, quality people, and experiences all contributed to living a wealthy life.
Now I understand.
“Jesus loves you and I do too.” Since I can remember, this was your motto. What a God-fearing woman you were. So independent. So strong. And oh so very loving.
Taking me in at 12 is probably one of God's biggest blessings upon me. Especially since it was because of you that my relationship with God is how it is now. You instilled so much knowledge into me about my Lord & Savior Jesus Christ. And how nothing else really mattered but HIS plan and HIS love. Without a doubt, I would not be where I am today if it wasn’t for you, your support, your strength, and your love. You made sure I had a roof over my head, clothes on my back, & shoes on my feet. And I know that wasn’t easy because these kids are expensive, Granny! (Lol).
All those times we went to your favorite stores: Walmart, Sears, and JC Penney. Anytime I was with you, I always walked out with something. From Pokémon cards to jewelry, I always asked for something. And you always got it for me. I can probably count on one hand how many times you told me ‘no’.
As the Matriarch, your family meant everything. You always did what needed to be done to make sure everyone was good. And you always did what needed to be done to make sure your family stayed connected. If it was someone’s birthday, you made sure we all remembered to call and give them blessings. Or even when I traveled to different states, you’ll say, “you know got a cousin there. Let me call them, I’ll call you right back.” That’s exactly how I was able to meet & build a relationship with Cousin June. May God bless her soul.
And I will never forget the first time you came to see me DJ in 2019. It was the first time I ever felt nervous. You put me through high school, sent me off to college, and even saw me get my first apartment. But you have never seen me “spin records” as you would say. But you saw me that night. You saw me in my element doing what I love and I appreciated that moment so much.
The time will come when I have my own family and I will instill in them your core values of God, selflessness, and unconditional love. And when that time comes, I will also make sure they know who you were and the amazing person that I was blessed with to be my grandmother. I will miss our conversations. I will miss calling you to ask you to be my alarm clock. I will miss calling you and asking for your amazing recipes. I will miss bringing you a plate so you can critique. But most of all, I will miss calling you to pray with me. Your prayers have protected and covered me for years. What am I going to do without you?
This grieving process has been an interesting one only because this is all new to me. I never lost someone so dear. Especially back-to-back so I’m not sure how this works. Taking it a day at a time has been working for me as well as prayer, my amazing support system, and the abundance of gigs I’ve been blessed to receive.
Now you both will see what I’ve been up to. How I’ve been working hard over here to do things no one has done. And how I’ve been using what you both taught me to be the best version of myself every single day.
DJing has changed my life so much. The fact I can play music around the world full-time still blows my mind. I thank God every day because I am so very grateful. He has been moving in my life and now, you’ll both be my angels following me on this phenomenal journey.
The journey has been one to experience as I’ve witnessed how cruel this world is. Especially in this industry I have begun to build my career. Please watch over me and help me stay strong yet solid in my character. Please guide me. Whether it be business deals or relationships, assist me with impeccable discernment. And lastly, please protect me from evil spirits and physical harm of any sort.
It will not be easy, but I know time will ease the pain. Although you are not here physically, I know you are with me spiritually. I will think about you two every day and keep you alive in the present. I will listen to your voicemails, look at pictures, and replay every memory. I won't forget you.
Mommie, Diddy... I hope I am making you proud. I won't stop pushing and chasing my dreams EVER. No matter what, I will continue to strive to be an inspiration to the world. I am excited for what's to come but more excited that I will have you both on the ride.
Mommie, Diddy... I miss you. I love you. Rest peacefully.